Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go…


Well, another weekend has passed.  I was so thankful to have a Saturday of almost nothingness!  I told Daddy I was going to sleep in so he wouldn’t feel the need to get up early.  It’s so strange to me how his mind works.  He can’t remember to take his pills, nor what day of the week it is, nor even what season it is.  But if you tell him he has to go to the doctor, or get a hair cut, or anything out of his ordinary daily routine, it simply preys on his mind!!  He asks a million times a day, “When do we go to the doctor?”  or “What time do I need to get up?”  Often, he is fairly sure of the time or day this event is to happen, but just feels the need to verify it time after time because he has no confidence in his ability to remember things.  I’ll admit to occasionally (maybe more often than occasionally) wanting to scream after being asked the same question for the 999,999th time!  But I don’t, because my heart always whispers, “Do you really think he knows he is doing this?  Do you really think he enjoys his dependence on you?”

I did hear Daddy puttering around in the kitchen about 9:00, but he can still make his own coffee, so I didn’t get up until 10.  I fixed a big breakfast for Dad, Bill, and I.  Breakfast is Dad’s favorite meal of the day, and he has a big one every day.  I really think he would only eat breakfast if he could get by with it! 

Bill went to visit his folks after breakfast, and I went to my “room” to make a grocery list and get ready to go to the grocery store.  Dannye said she would go with me to help, and I was really looking forward to spending time with her even if it was a Walmart on a Saturday afternoon!  Mama had yet to appear from her bedroom so I had some time to make a good list and look over the grocery flyers for price matches (Walmart comps all local sales prices).

After I was ready to go, I came back in to find Mama sitting in her chair ready for the day.  She had even found our leftover breakfast and eaten a bite!  I fixed her mug of tea, got the TV set up for them to watch a ballgame later, then off I went to the grocery store.  I was hoping Bill was coming home soon so they wouldn’t have to be alone very long, but they wouldn’t need anything while I was gone, so I felt pretty safe. 

They were both fine when I got home, but I did notice that both of them were having a very bad memory day.  Mama was just a little more of the same – wondering when we are going home, etc.  Daddy was the surprise.  Jeanne and I think his “pain in the butt” is worsening, and the pain seems to be causing more than usual mental confusion.  He isn’t lost like Mama, but can’t seem to remember anything!  He forgot that I had set up the TV for him, and hunted around for something to watch.  He hadn’t remembered where I’d gone either, which is pretty unusual for him.  I got all the groceries unloaded & supper made, and we had a nice evening at home.  Dad was hurting, so he went to bed earlier than normal.  When he goes to bed, Mama usually does as well, so I went over to my room. (After the Astros game, of course!)

Sunday began beautifully.  It was really good to be in the house of the Lord yesterday, and we planned on coming home right after morning worship to spend time with Mama and Daddy and hopefully get them settled so I could go to Bo and Em’s former softball team’s final games of the season.  The sad story is that both Daddy and Mama were in no shape at all to be left alone Sunday evening.  Mama just couldn’t figure out this “home” thing, and Dad and I spent about an hour telling her where we are, how long they had lived here, who and where all their neighbors are, why the back trailer (where Bill and I sleep) is there and who lives there now….  She never “got it” but seemed okay about it all.

Bill went on to the games, and I stayed home.  Daddy was hurting enough that he went to bed at 7:00.  After Daddy went to bed, Mama wasn’t really ready to go to bed, so we watched a little TV.  Her attention span isn’t what it used to be, so after about an hour, she decided to go on to bed.  She couldn’t remember where her night gowns are, which has become a nightly thing for us.  I got her settled, finished watching the movie we had started, and went to bed around 10. 

I felt profoundly sad.  And an overwhelming fear of the future.  But at church that very morning we sang the old hymn, “Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go”.  The Lord had spoken to me then that “wherever” didn’t necessarily mean “Africa” or “South America”.  The “wherever” God has led me (and Bill, bless his heart!) to is living with my elderly parents.  I had just sung “I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so…”  I know He will never lead me where His love and care cannot reach me!  I’ll admit that I didn’t immediately begin shouting with laughter – I still feel so sad for my folks, and yes, for Bill and myself – but I did feel the calm of my Lord take hold of my heart, and those fears just melted away.  I can trust my Christ, because He “loves me so.”  And so, I go on!

Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go

1. Take up thy cross and follow me, I heard my Master say,
I gave my life to ransom thee, surrender your all today.
 
Refrain:
Wherever He leads, I’ll go, Wherever He leads, I’ll go;
I’ll follow my Christ Who loves me so, Wherever He leads, I’ll go.
 
2. He drew me closer to His side, I sought His will to know,
and in that will I now abide; wherever He leads, I’ll go.
 
3. It maybe through the shadows dim or o’er the stormy sea,
I take my cross and follow Him wherever He leadeth me.
 
4. My heart, my life, my all I bring to Christ Who loves me so.
He is my Master, Lord, and King; wherever He leads, I’ll go.

God bless your day!

 

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About pettybunch

I am loved with God's everlasting love, and underneath are His everlasting arms - and I haven't gotten over it yet! I am also blessed to be married for over 36 years to the man of my dreams, and have 3 incredible adult children, an amazing son-in-law, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and SEVEN grandchildren: four precious granddaughters, three handsome grandsons - so far. I am a retired Home Educator, and loved every moment of it! We are empty nesters, and are endeavoring to embrace this new phase of life. God is so good!
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5 Responses to Wherever He Leads, I’ll Go…

  1. i love that hymn, too.((hugs)) here’s to following His leading—and those moments of joy and rest He gives in hardest moments. 🙂 (i could use one right about now, couldn’t you?)

  2. I’m glad you posted! I LOVE that song! God’s love and peace is so AMAZING! See ya tomorrow!

  3. Bettyeboop says:

    A friend wrote on Facebook yesterday, “Never fear tomorrow for God is already there, waiting for you.”  (not exact wording)  I really liked that.  Yesterday I was posting some pictures of Mother from over the years on Facebook and seeing how she declined in the photos had me thinking of Chloe.  She seems to be following the same path in so many ways.  Be so grateful she knows who you are.  My sweet daddy, I know how hard this must be on him.  I love you!

  4. ABAHM says:

    Praying for you.  So difficult.  Grandpa Bill over here seems lost and unhappy so much of the time.  He wants to eat Breakfast just about every time he gets up…and sleeps on and off all day.  David thinks he must experience about 6 days every 24 hours!  Hmmm, maybe breakfast all day isn’t such a bad idea…eggs, pancakes, cereal , fruit are all easy for him to eat. He has had a real hard time believing it is night at dinner time and questions it the entire meal.  Difficult issues with bodily control too of late.  This is a hard road!

  5. pettybunch says:

    @ABAHM – We had a terrible day yesterday and last night – Mama was very agitated and I had a tough time getting her settled.  My sister just gave me a link for a free book on Alzheimer’s that she says is great.  http://www.alzheimersplaybook.com/  I think it will be helpful, if only to help my understanding – even though I don’t use the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s, but simply dementia.  I am downloading it tomorrow.  I will let you know what I find if you haven’t already looked at it.Thank you for your prayers, and I am praying for you as well.  So far we haven’t had bodily control issues.  This is indeed a hard road!

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