I used to be better at this!


I love to blog.  Really I do.  Lately, however, life has really gotten in the way!  And to add to that, much of what wants to come out of my brain doesn’t need to be said to or read by anyone!!  So, I wait until I can get it all in order in my brain so I don’t bring shame on someone, especially my Lord.  He’s so good to walk me through my junky brain and heart, showing me what needs to go and what needs to replace it.

Recent example – Hall of Shame Warning!!!!! – Jeanne was confessing to Bill and I a bad reaction she had toward Daddy, and how she had gone to the Lord just that morning, confessed it, and asked for strength to be kind and have patience with Daddy.  Bill answered her, “Yeah, I’ve meant to speak to Nina about the way she’s talked to your Dad a couple of times, too.” 

I was [almost] speechless!  I have NOT been ugly to Daddy.  I mean, I’ve been frustrated, but never ugly!  Have I?  The questions and excuses began to flow!  (Let me insert here that you always need to beware when you have a monitor in your home to listen for issues in another room.  Sometimes YOU are not the one listening – you are the one being listened TO!)  I was so ashamed, when I finally admitted to myself that I really did let bad attitude spill out on Daddy sometimes.  I was thankful, though, that my sweet hubby cared enough to speak to me about it, and so grateful to the Lord that He immediately showed me some answers. 

The first answer was from Pastor’s sermon Sunday morning.  It was my turn to go to church, and I also got to spend the night with Bill and Dan at Dan’s house.  We even went out to my dear friend Lori’s house for dinner, and had such a great time!  Anyway, back to the sermon:  He has been preaching through Galations, and was in chapter 5 – the Fruit of the Spirit.  Guess which portion of the Fruit he was on this past Sunday?  Gentleness and Goodness. 

Gentleness – kindness; showing sympathy, mercy, empathy, or understanding; “useful for others” versus “working against others.”  I was so convicted, and so grateful that my Lord not only shows me my fault, but shows me what to replace that fault with.  I was unkind and selfish – which is usually the root of all sin issues – so kindness, mercy, etc. needs to fill my heart.  It is precious to me that Jesus IS kindness and mercy, and fellowship with Him fills me with those qualities!  I’m working on my fellowship with Him straightway!

A second answer was today’s doctor visit.  My irritated, frustrated, and even angry attitudes usually happen when Daddy becomes especially needy.  It might be anything from not getting up on his own to not pulling up his own throw blanket when he gets cold, or anything in between!  Is he really that helpless?  Can he really not put on his socks, set his cup on the table right there, pull up the lever on his recliner?  It’s so difficult to determine whether he is trying but can’t, or if he is being a whiny-baby! 

Well, after seeing Dr. S today, we have a much better understanding of where Dad actually is.  Although Dr. S was pleased with Dad’s attitude – he was smiling and joking a little – he was concerned about our report of his behavior at home, his swollen ankles, and his great fatigue.  He ordered bloodwork and chest X-rays, which will tell him a bit more of the story.  He is looking for kidney function problems, possible anaemia, and any fluid in/around the lungs.  As far as we can tell, he is not losing any blood, but Dr. S said it could be a hidden loss. 

As we were leaving, I let Jeanne and Daddy get a little ahead of me so I could ask the question – how much can we expect from Dad, that is, how bad is he, really?  Dr. S simply told me that the disease (congestive heart failure) is quite advanced, and Daddy is not going to get better.  We are not yet at the “call hospice” phase at all.  He still can make Dad more comfortable and even feel some better at times.  He might need an occasional transfusion, which makes him feel much better for a little bit of time.  Getting the fluid off helps him breath a little easier.  Monitoring his blood sugar and making necessary adjustments can also help him feel better.  And we have seen that getting out a bit – a very little bit at this stage of the game – gives Daddy a better outlook on life!  Even today’s doctor visit and lunch at Sonic gave Daddy something new to talk and think about!  Besides that, he loves onion rings!

I guess what I’m getting at is that our expectations of Daddy’s abilities are too high, and we need to be in the mindset that he needs our help for many, many things.  Knowing the truth of Daddy’s condition is difficult to accept, but we now know what is actually helpful, whereas before we were always wondering if we were crippling him by doing everything for him.  Before, we were getting aggravated that he didn’t seem to want to try, and he was getting aggravated at us for not believing his limitations!  [Another insert – gentleness and kindness should have been flowing from me whether Daddy was trying or not!  The knowledge of his current condition simply tells us to stop expecting so much!] 

God is so good to show His children gentleness and kindness – in spite of our behavior, which very often leaves a lot to be desired!  I am so grateful to Him for that!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A few photos…. 

Christmas (4)  Christmas (3)  Christmas (1)

My sweet Daddy at Christmas. 

Molly
Molly – my little dolly!

Christmas (2)
Our girls – so, so pretty!

Christmas 5  Christmas 6  
Pamela and her Lovey, Will

 Christmas 7
Bill and his Daddy.  We don’t get to see them as often as we’d like, so photos of them are rare!

Christmas 8
Dan says, “I have the cutest sister ever!”

Charlie montage
Our brief Texas Blizzard was a bit confusing to Charlie, Dan’s yellow Lab

DanReigh
My Dannye Reigh showing us her snowy pickup

McKenna 3
I mentioned my dear friend Lori – well, this is her unbelievably adorable granddaughter, McKenna

McKenna 2
Seriously, did you ever???????

McKenna 1
What a little Dolly!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

God bless your day!

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About pettybunch

I am loved with God's everlasting love, and underneath are His everlasting arms - and I haven't gotten over it yet! I am also blessed to be married for over 36 years to the man of my dreams, and have 3 incredible adult children, an amazing son-in-law, a wonderful daughter-in-law, and SEVEN grandchildren: four precious granddaughters, three handsome grandsons - so far. I am a retired Home Educator, and loved every moment of it! We are empty nesters, and are endeavoring to embrace this new phase of life. God is so good!
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8 Responses to I used to be better at this!

  1. Mottsngbury says:

    Oh Nina……..my heart hurts after reading that. We leave for California next Monday (14th). I know you can’t tell me to go or not to go, but it just scares me to death to be that far away. Please keep in contact w/me even if you have to call my cell. Bob’s brother can only get dial up where he is so I have NO idea how much I’ll be able to be in contact via internet, etc.  If I need to fly home b/f Bob, I will…..we’re going out in the motor home to get the old 40 Ford Bob bought & he’s supposed to paint his brother’s car while we’re there.  So it’s going to be quite a trip……..at least two weeks.  The pictures of Daddy are precious.  And OH MY GOODNESS, that baby is adorable………take care & I love you all so much……..Give my Daddy a hug & kiss for me……Dodie

  2. AuntGen says:

    Thank you for posting. I needed you to put our dr. visit into words.  As for your “failures,” I am so humbled to think that you even can say you have any. I am so aware of my own shortcomings with Daddy’s care, and aspire to be as kind and gentle as my sweet sister. Like Daddy said, you are his rock. I love you and, like you, I seek to seek His face, so I can be more like Him. See you tomorrow.

  3. pettybunch says:

    @Mottsngbury – Be comforted to know that Daddy doesn’t seem to be declining at this time, Dodie.  He’s pretty much hanging in there, some days better than others. We will definitely keep in touch.  Have a good time and just keep praying for Daddy!@AuntGen – We’re a team.  And iron sharpens iron – we need each other!!

  4. Rickies5 says:

    Hey what you have to go through watching and taking care of your dad and mom has to be alot. My dad had a stroke a few yrs back and he lived with me, but then he got better and remarried and that took a load off of me. Girl God knows what you and your family are going through and he said that if we can just put up with this ‘ol world that we will be rewarded and have a glad reunion day one day. Just hang in there, keep the prayers going and yes let the Kindness flow because it will be rewarded one day.I’ll keep you and your family and especially your dad in my prayers!! Love ya!! Rickie 

  5. The pictures are priceless, but the ponderings are timeless!  So many things that we caregivers recognize, identify with, and need to be aware of — because sometimes we are so unaware of how the things we say, or the tone of voice we are saying it in, comes through.  The thing is, Nina, that God knows your heart.  He not only can help you where you need to grow, but he also “pats you on the back” for the things you do that are right, beyond the call of duty, and done for LOVE.I really did enjoy this post, and hope that things can settle down.  Thanks for your sweet comment over on my site.  We gals have to hang together!!!

  6. Hi friend, just wanted to check in on you and your dad. Sounds as though he is not doing well. I’m so sorry as I imagine it has to be so difficult. I’m still praying for you (very hard). Don’t be so hard on yourself for getting frustrated. My mother is going through the same thing right now. Since pa’s passing my grandma has practically given up. She won’t even spend one single night by herself. Mom gets very angry with her but she doesn’t mean to. It’s a lot to handle & I know from watching mom that caring for a sick parent is a ton of stress. Just remember that no matter how frustrated you get, you are a wonderful daughter. You have been there for both of your parents & for that you should be proud. Please keep me update on your dad’s health.On a lighter note, I LOVE the pictures. Your right, that baby is adorable :)Hope your having a great week friend!

  7. grace_to_be says:

    “Sometimes YOU are not the one listening – you are the one being listened TO!”gulp. i find that out all too often!! i love your heart and appreciate your honesty here~great pictures – what a sweet poochy face baby :)you’re a fantastic photographer!

  8. pettybunch says:

    @grace2be – Isn’t the baby precious?  But I’ve got to admit that my Dannye Reigh took the photos.  She’s the amazing one!

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